Hello, I red your blog and the article on discipline. How would you do when a 9 years old girl gets mad and upset every time you don’t what she want when she want ans the way she want (like don’t give her the answer for math homeworks and ask her to make the equation like she does every day) and the only result you got is her to ignore you (head down, stop talking). The more I talk (never raise my voice), the worst it gets !!! and she’s so stubborn, she can stay like this for hours, even with her parents !!! how i’m suppose to deal with that when I’m just an aupair. THanks
19 hours ago
Hi! The first thing that I wanted to mention is that you are right! You are the au pair. The best defense is a good offense, meaning that it would be in everyone’s best interest for you and her parents to agree on a plan together. That being said, it would be much appreciated by the parents if you came up with some ideas. As far as the homework goes, it can be exhausting for a kids to spend all day at school and then come home to more school. Does she have a break? 30 min for a snack and to relax? Does she have a routine? When she starts to get angry about you not giving the answer, try to flip the script. Tell her that you are there to help her if she wants the help, but that is all you can give her. So while I am not recommending ignoring her, you are tuning off to her emotions. Another suggestion would be to make it a game. Tell her that you are playing school and you are the teacher (even better…she is the teacher! If you can get her to give the answers still). Have you tried sticker charts? Or encouragement charts? When she ignore you, it is okay to give her some space (she is putting herself in a time out), but I think it would be great if after she has some time to cool off, run in to her room and tickle her or come in and sit quietly with her. Bake those cookies you had been planning. While some people would say it is giving in to her behavior, as the au pair, part of the job is to keep it fun. After all, she is ignoring you to get your attention. It is true, lectures don’t work. Check out How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It is an easy read and super helpful! If you want to try some of the suggestions, let me know how it goes. If you want to give me more info, we can come up with a plan.
Here is a link to download reward charts and homework charts:
Does anyone have tips or have been in a similar situation?